Two times little beings lived in my for 9 months of my life each time. Each filled with their own souls with beauty that could never be the compared. I am talking about children. I call them beings as they will always have to choice to find themselves in the crazy spectrum of gender and sexuality.
______________________________________________
The first little being taught me strength for myself before they were ever born. When my heart became so stressed from the possible threat of losing people from my life I would feel a little kick. This small kick calmed me. It reminded me to find strength within myself. This being was brought into the world January 6th of 2012. The physical sex was male and we decided on the name Dakota no matter what.
If only I could had borrowed this strength from them longer I would had because soon after my heart was heavy with depression. A dreadful weight that still haunts me to this day in the silent backgrounds of my dreams. Overcome with depression this now very young being, only weeks old, was soon to be placed with a new family. One that didn't have the capiblities of creating their own. This was Dakota whom was filled with strength and determination.
The second was a shock. Still struck with the grieving of placing our first for adoption, I spent most of the first part of the pregnancy feeling a heavy weight of doubts. Obviously I would love this being when they graced us in this world but there were just so many heavy feelings not dealt with.
Part of my memories are a bit foggy as afterward depression warped my memory. Mid September they were brought into this world. Another healthy little one. Also born with the male sex. But this one was clever, kind, and with a strong sense of understanding. Don't forget a love of sitting on the motorcycle with me. This was Evan.
Time passed and the intellect only grew. Charm seemed to follow this one without a problem and two seconds without your full attention and they were gunning for the thing that was full of curiosity. The marriage was crumbling. Both of our mental healths were in decline. When it came time to separate it was decided that we would soon place this new being with their sibling so they could grow together.
It was the grace of some higher being because in a heart beat it was set. Today they are almost 3 and 4. Their eyes gleam with hope and happiness. We were blessed to have found a couple that not only wanted them to know their roots but them to know that they have 4 parents that love hy them, not just 2.
So even thought I hate this organ currently occupying my body, I must thank it deeply. I must thank it for the who beings that entered my life from it. These two beings were light in the pitch black night. They are what taught love in all its puree joys and heavy shadows. I have to thank it for my children.
