Introductions: Genderfluid and What It Means

When there is beginning and end, weak and strong, sure and unsure many of us find ourselves in the middle. Whether it be the middle child, the less comfortable and defined parts of sexuality, and even in the middle of gender norms.

 I am a middle child stuck between being a mother and not, as a birth parent, and trying to find my place in the world of genderfluid. What is Genderfluid? Genderfluid is exactly as it sounds. Somedays you feel the quiet strength of the feminine, while others you find the physical and mental boldness of the masculine.

For sometime I have known that I was not exactly cisgender, where gender and physical anatomy are aligned, or transgender, where gender and physical an to my are in opposite of each other. The strong sense of just wanting to be a being was always heavy on me. Being born female, the lack of being taken seriously like to male would has always shadowed me. Yet begin treated to gently may had been the only thing to keep me sane. Only lately have I began to outwardly explore these parts and desires, not that it doesn't come with it's own disphoria.

This disphoria is not like that of complete misalignment. It is the swing of being comfortable some days and even okay with your form, voice, perceived treatment, and so on associated with your physical sex that day. Other days you wish your voice was a different pitch, that you had a completely different wardrobe, bone structure, and reproductive system. It is a constant swing based on the day and sometimes hour and it scares me. How will it be perceived in the work place? Will the fear making the vocal cords slip into the higher tones? Will it break the perception in goal just because 25 years of being accepted as female is a depressing yet familiar thing?

How did you deal with coming to terms with your fluidness of gender? What drove you to step out and be brave?